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married life

liu512: kev's home
kalpol: tell him hi
liu512: but he's going back to work later
liu512: I think he's really having an affair
kalpol: why don't you follow him and see
liu512: nah, Survivor comes on tonight

V

person 2: we just don't know he's an alien.. yet
person 2: when he becomes president
person 2: he'll reveal the plan to take over the planet
person 2: and then where will we be
person 2: eating raspberry chocolate widgets in a field full of poppyseeds

Lay, Fastow and Co.

person 1: they took enron for everything it had
person 1: tens of millions of dollars....whew
person 2: that just inflames me
person 1: yeah
person 1: i hope they get life
person 2: yeah
person 2: in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison
person 1: screw federal
person 1: federal's a cakewalk
person 1: they need county
person 2: that's where the real hooligans are
person 2: and no solitary
person 1: nope
person 1: they need the bottom bunk
person 1: in an overcrowded cell
person 1: out of sight of the guards
person 1: see where their web of intricate partnerships gets them then

thank you for sharing

person 1: who wants to hear a funny, yet embarrassing account of my meeting this morning?
person 2: me! me!
person 1: i had a breastfeeding class last night... they give ya all sorts of literature to take with you.
person 1: this morning i'm meeting with a client .. and rummaging around my bag and what falls out but a pamphlet entitled 'sore nipples'
person 1: right there, face up
person 1: in red

one in every office

person 1 (12:31:36 PM): when are they kicking [slutty manager] out
person 2 (12:32:02 PM): dunno hopefully I can escort her out
person 1 (12:32:05 PM): lol
person 2 (12:32:19 PM): we had a meeting
person 1 (12:32:27 PM): ?
person 2 (12:32:30 PM): so she could tell us all the open ended items
person 2 (12:32:36 PM): she is such a moron
person 1 (12:32:41 PM): let me guess
person 1 (12:32:46 PM): she couldn't even explain that
person 1 (12:35:02 PM): there are only 5 words in her vocabulary
person 1 (12:35:07 PM): 'me love you long time'

intelligence is key

person 1: i can't even find a good candidate to be a father
person 1: :P
person 1: maybe i should think about freezing my eggs in case i change my mind someday
person 2: well theres always sperm donors
person 1: do they screen those
person 1: for intelligence level
person 3: I freezed eggs once they end up cracking

FGI

person 1: like last night on AFV there was someone on a cruise ship filming a city skyline, then the huge ship horn blew and they about fell overboard...was funny, except I was wondering what city it was and I was thinking how sad that google probably won't be able to answer that one

no, it doesn't

person 1: i'm gonna go watch tv and blow up balloons

person 2: does that mean you're going to spank the monkey